


the only thing certain

by Zerrat



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort Sex, Major Character Injury, Post-Canon, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 11:22:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1981041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zerrat/pseuds/Zerrat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set following the brewing Freljord civil war. With Lissandra gone and the Avarosan broken, Ashe struggles to cope with the ramifications of her own role in the war, and any part she should play in the Freljord's future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the only thing certain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LogosMinusPity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogosMinusPity/gifts).



> Logos, I hope you don't hurt me too badly for my duplicity over the past month or so. I picked Sej/Ashe, no matter what I've said, because I really, really wanted to give you the pairing (well, character) you most wanted.
> 
> Problem was, you didn't actually give a prompt for this pairing other than "anything", leaving me to figure something out on my own! *grumbles*
> 
> Of course, whether or not my Sejuani is suitable is up to you (and even if I didn't use your headcanons in a big way) but I had a great time writing it, no matter how often I doubted the wisdom of attempting this pairing for you of all people. I do hope you enjoy it!

The forest at night was silent, the air sharp and freezing despite the approaching spring. The cold wind cut straight through Ashe's borrowed fur cloak, as though she'd not worn it at all. Sweat prickled on the back of her neck and between her shoulder blades. Her fingertips and knuckles had long since gone numb from the cold, still stubbornly locked about the grip of her bow. 

Ashe swallowed, her breath shallow and freezing on her lips. 

She drew her bowstring back to her cold cheek. Her shoulders ached, the muscles weakened from her convalescence, the new scars tight, pulling distractions.

She'd been out in the cold for hours, and yet she still couldn't _focus._

The heavy branches swayed in the dark and cold, just on the edge of her blind spot - and in her mind, far too reminiscent of Lissandra. Inhumanly graceful, vaguely threatening, and driven on by a force of nature Ashe could never fully comprehend.

Ashe's ruined eye ached, more insistently now, and she was wound so impossibly tight that she was sure something _had_ to give. She could barely see her target for the quavering point of her arrow.

She bared her teeth, exhaling hard, desperate. 

It shouldn't _matter._ Lissandra was dead at Ashe's own hands, an arrow through her eye, her body lost in the darkness of the Howling Abyss. She was gone, and yet Ashe wondered if she would ever be rid of her shadow. 

It was as though Lissandra still watched from the darkness, laughing at Ashe's every failure, cursing her just as she'd cursed Avarosa. Even from beyond death, Lissandra would _know_ what she'd wrought. She'd enjoy how her legacy carried on, carved into Ashe and the Freljord in deeper ways than scarring. 

It was foolish. It was _weak_ , and Sejuani's derision would have been justified - if only she knew. No matter how many hours Ashe stood in the snow, long after midnight, frustration and terror rising up in her chest every time the wind stirred... 

Something had shifted in her head since that night on the bridge, and as necessary as her actions had been... she still couldn't take the shot. It didn't matter that she'd killed before, or that ending Lissandra should have been no different. 

Ashe released her breath, a puff of mist rising in the night, defeated and dispirited. She eased her drawstring, the arrow she'd called vanishing in a flurry of frost at her numbed fingertips. She looked down at her bow, her grip tightening about the ornate true ice until the edges threatened to cut right into her palm. After a moment, she sighed, forcing herself to relax. 

Shouldering her bow, Ashe started back to the darkened Winter's Claw stronghold in the distance, unable to stomach looking back at her unmarred target.

###

Ashe slept very little, too preoccupied with the cycle of her own thoughts, too on edge to let go of her ongoing failures in the snowy clearing. Dawn eventually broke, and far from bringing her a sense of relief, it merely added to the litany of worries. It changed nothing. Her left eye was still gone, savaged by Lissandra's black ice. The Avarosan were still scattered, broken, _dead_. 

She'd still allied herself with a woman who'd once wanted her head, trading enmity for something far more complicated. Ashe herself had killed Lissandra, the same woman who had been her friend, her key supporter - but a betrayer all the same. It was at Lissandra's hand that a hundred Frostguard successors had died, to speak nothing of the countless Avarosan. 

It was difficult not to dwell, to list her dearest friends and note all the missing and the dead. She wished it was as simple as blaming Lissandra, _loathing_ her. But Ashe had played her own role in the destruction, and that was perhaps the worst blow of all. 

No, the new day never brought Ashe an epiphany or a resolution, a fix for her failures or an end to the nightmare. No matter how dispirited she felt, though, she still braced herself against the pain and left the healer's chambers. She could still manage that. 

The Winter's Claw's southernmost stronghold was a hive of activity, even in the first light of day. While all the movement set Ashe's nerves on edge, compared to the silence of night... It was better than the creeping, irrational fear that everyone had been murdered as they slept. Just like before. 

They were morbid thoughts, but Ashe would never again afford herself such naivety.

Ashe knew the Winter's Claw people watched her. As galling as the mistrust was, objectively, she could understand. They remembered a queen they'd fought, a civil war against the Avarosan with too many casualties. When Ashe had become an ally against Lissandra, that had been one thing, but now they wondered. 

Even with Sejuani's... good will, why had she seen fit to remain? Ashe wished she had an answer for that. She wished she had answers at _all._

For so long, Ashe had been driven toward a goal. Ever since she'd been led to the cairn and the bow, she'd been _certain_ that she'd be the one to unite the Freljord, to help usher in a new era for its people. She'd had a purpose, something greater to believe in. She'd even dared to dream that with both Tryndamere - her heart clenched, even if she no longer had the energy to spare on grief - and Lissandra, perhaps she'd succeed. 

Ashe had been a fool. She'd been just another pawn in an ages-long game. On mornings like these, with her failures festering like open, infected wounds... she had to wonder. How many of her actions had been of her own volition, and what had simply been the result of Lissandra's manipulations? 

Her life, her achievements... it all felt tainted, now. 

There had been so much loss, so much _death_. Every fallen Avarosan was Ashe's responsibility, for she'd been the one to embrace Lissandra with open arms. Given how she'd been fooled so _profoundly,_ Ashe wasn't sure she even had a right to rally, to attempt to pick up the pieces. She'd certainly squandered her right to rule. 

Even if she hadn't... what did she have left to offer the Freljord now, with her forces shattered, her spirit broken and her political capital dashed? She was just another widow among thousands, for all that her marriage to Tryndamere had been for politics. 

She supposed she'd see the truth of things soon enough, when her people finally arrived from the south. 

Upon her first awakening, Ashe had been informed by a very reticent Sejuani that the remnants of the Avarosan had set out from their last base at Rakelstake. The going was slow, though, the Frostguard zealots too unpredictable, the Avarosan too few. 

Ashe herself had been in no condition to travel, Sejuani had further told her without reservation, as though she'd been expecting arguments. Perhaps Ashe had surprised her host somewhat when she'd accepted the orders to rest, and given the rockiness of their past, she could hardly blame Sejuani for a degree of wariness. 

Ashe hadn't caused trouble, but it had given her little to do but recuperate and ruminate. 

Her fingertips grazed the roughly-woven bandages over her left eye, unable to help herself. When the Avarosan arrived, so too would reality. 

She hadn't moved from her spot in the growing sun, weary from her night's failures but unable to relax, when she heard voices lift about the hold. Ashe looked up sharply, just in time to see Sejuani emerge from the stables on the far side of the fortifications. Her stomach twisted oddly, one part worry, one part interest.

Sejuani was still limping, her movements stiff and careful, but every day it lessened. Much of her healing had been hastened, broken bones and open wounds knitted together with magic and what had to be pure, stubborn will. Even from a distance, Ashe's eye picked out the pitch-black scars running across Sejuani's neck and down into her furs. 

The blue gaze that fell on Ashe's position was still piercing, assessing and proud. That much had never changed in the months she'd known Sejuani, though there was something else there now. Ashe didn't have to wonder what - or _why_.

All too clearly, Ashe remembered the moment she'd dragged Sejuani down into a harsh, hasty kiss born of adrenaline and desperation, just before they struck the Watchers at their heart. Ashe had been so certain that one - or both - of them would die during that final fight. If it was to be the end, then she'd allow herself no regrets. 

Sejuani - the Winter's Wrath, cold, harsh and the person who'd once loathed Ashe the most - had cupped the back of her neck and feverishly returned it, as though it was her last chance, her last hope. The memory was practically engraved into Ashe's mind - a perfect, sweet moment in the midst of hell. 

Ashe wasn't even sure _when_ the notion of kissing her one-time political rival had started to elicit such a sharp tug of desire in her stomach. 

The kiss had changed everything, and both of them knew it. There was yearning buried beneath Sejuani's worry and reserve, as sharp and obvious as Ashe's, and a hesitance that belied the harshness that Ashe had learned to expect from her. 

Sejuani still hadn't broached the topic, and Ashe herself had been reluctant to reach out, _afraid_. Tension had simmered between them, from the moment Ashe had awoken. 

Ashe didn't know what was going to give - she didn't know what she _wanted_ to happen. With her eye, uncertain future and the _nightmares_ \- what good was she to a tribe like the Winter's Claw, when she no longer had the stomach to loose an arrow? 

What good would she be to _Sejuani,_ who expected naught but unyielding strength from her allies?

Foolish to think about such things at all - nothing good could come from torturing herself with longing. The theory was simple, but it was still so hard to ignore the chaotic flurry of emotion in her stomach. It was difficult to forget the warmth of Sejuani's mouth against the freezing cold of the storm. 

How could Ashe _not_ feel something, when Sejuani was so _close_?

She watched Sejuani approach, her stomach in knots, her mouth dry. She didn't move as the woman leaned against the wall at her side, practically radiating heat in the cool morning.

Ashe quietly admired the harsh angles of the woman's face, the silver track of scars on her skin and the suggestion of a curl in her short, fair hair. Ashe did wonder how much of the woman's ongoing silence was for a loss of words, rather than her endless, stubborn pride. 

"How is he?" Ashe finally asked, giving in, too aware of the silence between them. Too afraid of the direction her thoughts could take her. 

Sejuani grunted under her breath, her blue eyes flickering back to the stables. 

"Improving." Sejuani's jaw worked for a moment, her brow creasing in worry. "Better than the alternative."

"That's good," Ashe said with a nod, too happy to allow herself the distraction. Then she felt a twinge of guilt. 

In all the fleeting meetings between them since the battle at the Abyss, Sejuani had looked stressed and tired. Dealing with the fallout from two successive wars, Ashe could hardly blame her. It was a monumental task.

Ashe wished she could do more to help, but ally or not, she'd hardly been invited to interfere in Winter's Claw matters. 

For the most part, Sejuani had been in near-constant meetings with her captains or Volibear - hours of talking and planning that had to be driving her mad. In the absence of those, she'd been in the stables, tending to Bristle's extensive injuries personally.

Somehow, Sejuani had still managed to stop by the healer's room each day. Even if those visits had been fleeting, tense, and determinedly avoiding the obvious... they'd been nice. Too nice, and sometimes the woman made Ashe forget the stark realities of the situation. Not this time, though. 

"The Avarosan will arrive soon," Ashe told Sejuani quietly. _Tension_ or not, the reminder would help them both keep things in proper perspective. 

"Though they are taking their time, yes. You can be sure that had our positions been reversed..." Sejuani's eyes flickered across to Ashe, her lips compressed into a thin line, as if waiting for a reaction. 

Ashe merely sighed. Sejuani was no idiot, and she would have understood the true meaning behind Ashe's reminder. She simply _continued_ to reject it. 

What was Ashe meant to _say_? Why did Sejuani even bother with... any of it? Visiting her, taking her back to the stronghold, allowing the Avarosan to collect their defunct queen at their leisure... 

Suddenly, Ashe felt far too weary. 

Surely, Sejuani had to realise that it was a bad move, politically speaking, to keep Ashe around. Good will and alliances could only extend so far before certain rumours began to flourish. Ashe could already predict the mutterings of weakness, the questions of who truly commanded the Freljord. 

Given the messiness of the civil war - not even signed away by formal treaty - the mutterings could only weaken Sejuani's claim at a time the Freljord needed strength. 

The silence between them held, until Sejuani shifted, resettling her weight on her good leg and looking across at Ashe once more. She looked conflicted, as though she wished to speak further. 

Ashe simply watched her, too exhausted to argue. 

Sejuani must have read it in her face, her own expression darkening in a mixture of frustration, anger and hurt. After a moment, she pushed herself up from the wall, taking a few uneven strides. 

"Fine. As you wish, Ashe." Sejuani's voice was low and fierce. She didn't look back, joining one of her captains at the hall's great wooden doors. 

Ashe didn't drop her gaze from Sejuani's retreating back as she vanished into the hall, her own hands curling reflexively into fists until _everything_ ached. 

She understood Sejuani's disappointment - she felt it keenly enough herself. She just couldn't see a way for it to be possible. Not now. She just wished things were _different._

###

Scarcely an hour after Ashe had forced herself into a light and uneasy sleep, she jerked awake with a strangled gasp. She fumbled in the darkness, terror seizing her chest, the cool air freezing on the sweat slicking her body. Regardless, the air felt stifling, and she threw aside furs and blankets.

She couldn't find her bow. The scars and callouses on Ashe's fingers ached for the sharp cold of the weapon, and it was absolutely _imperative_ that she find it, or - _Lissandra_ \- 

Ashe blinked rapidly, her breathing still harsh and shallow, the terrifying darkness slowly resolving itself into the healer's room. She'd slept there for weeks. It hadn't changed at all. 

Sagging, Ashe pressed her face into hands that would not stop trembling. Sterilised, cotton bandages scrapped against her palm, and she forced herself upright once more. That was the last thing she wanted to feel - not at that moment. 

She exhaled, trying to steady herself. She'd been woken from nightmares often enough, but never before had it felt so... violent. 

Ashe knew exactly what was wrong, what had _changed_ between one night and the next. That afternoon, she'd gotten her first look at her bad eye when the healer had removed the wrapping. She very much wished she hadn't. She wished she'd never requested the mirror, that she'd been wise enough to avoid her reflection for all the years that remained to her. 

The upper left side of her face had been ruined, no other word could fit. She'd known the flesh had been shredded - she'd _felt_ it that night at the Abyss when her hands had been sticky with blood, her thoughts sluggish, a deadly cold ache echoing through her skull. 

Reality had been much harder to stomach. 

The Winter's Claw healers had stitched the black ice wounds together, but even their best work could not help the pitch-black scars spidering over her skin. Ashe's injured eye had stared back at her from the midst of the mess - bloodshot, milky and unseeing. 

Ashe had scarcely been able to believe it was her face, her _eye,_ and she'd shoved the mirror away, bile in her throat. 

She was not a terribly vain person, but neither had she been unappreciative of her good looks. Even in the darkness of her room, the memory of her eye sent her hands to trembling. It was hard not to wonder who else had seen it during the days she'd spent convalescing.

It was even harder not to wonder what they'd thought.

Sejuani would have seen it - she would have known how bad the damage was. No matter the black ice scars Sejuani herself bore, for a warrior, such an injury would have been crippling. 

Ashe closed her eye for a moment, struck by the memory of lips against her own, desperate and warm. Was _pity_ why Sejuani had not acted again? 

Ashe flexed her hands into useless fists, again and again, frustration and anger bubbling up in her stomach, her chest, her _mind_. Her throat burned, tight and hot, and she shoved the last of her pelts aside. 

She couldn't have been rendered useless. 

She could not allow it to end like _this._

Sejuani and the Winter's Claw... they appreciated _strength_. Ashe had been told that so many times that she'd lost count long ago. They were the victors in the civil war, and they would not abide terrified weakness, or the fear of the shadows in her mind. 

The memory of Sejuani's kiss clung to Ashe's mind as she dressed - her desire, her hesitation. Ashe wasn't sure what she wanted to do about any of that, but she could only prove her strength, prove she was not a spent force, that she was a worthy ally in the Freljord's future... then perhaps she did not need to consign herself to history. 

Perhaps Sejuani would act.

Within moments, Ashe had her boots, her cloak and her bow, and she vanished into the night.

###

The Ironspike forest near the Winter's Claw stronghold was as empty as always, frozen, dark and silent, but the skies above were clear and the moonlight strong. Darkness danced on the edges of Ashe's vision, but she tightened her grasp on her bow, coming to a stop in the centre of her usual clearing. She was not going to be _afraid_ of her memories of the black ice magic. 

Wordlessly, Ashe raised her bow, summoning an arrow of ice from the air. She let it rest for a moment, cold on her knuckles, her eye fixed on the target, dark and mocking at the edge of the clearing. The movements were easy as she drew the bowstring back to her cheek, the actions ingrained into muscle memory.

That did not make things simpler. Her breathing was still all wrong. Again, her hands would not stop _shaking._

_Sejuani appreciates strength, and I can't even do something I've done since I was a child._ Ashe bared her teeth, blinking rapidly, her arrow and her arms trembling with effort as she fought the draw of her bow -

Ashe relaxed the string, and her exhale might as well have been a sob. 

How was she going to prove anything if she couldn't take the shot? Ashe almost wanted to hurl her bow into the night, if only so she wouldn't have to look at it any longer. What was wrong with her? 

"Ashe."

The name jolted Ashe from her bitter rumination. She whipped around, her arrow trained on the speaker before she could fully process the familiarity. 

_Sejuani._ Ashe swallowed, lowering her bow the instant her visitor stepped out of the wintery forest. Sejuani seemed unfazed by the poor welcome, unafraid of the arrow that had been pointed her way not moments before.

Ashe watched her approach, uncertain. There was a flush in Sejuani's cheeks from the cold, Ashe noted numbly, and her hair was mussed. Stray bits of straw caught Ashe's eye as Sejuani drew near, clinging to her furs. She'd been tending to Bristle, then. 

Sejuani's blank expression betrayed none of her thoughts. She stopped just a pace before Ashe, and this close, the difference in height - in raw strength - between them seized and held her attention with a vice-like power. In the moonlight, Ashe couldn't help but feel that Sejuani was breathtaking, harsh edges and silvered scars all. 

She'd also intruded in on something deeply personal, a struggle Ashe could never be proud of. 

Ashe broke her gaze away from Sejuani with physical effort, instead looking back to the painted target she'd yet to use. The shame was a harsh twist in her stomach, in her chest.

"Why have you come, Sejuani?" Ashe finally asked. It was surprising how easily the name rolled off her tongue.

"I'd... heard about your absences," Sejuani said after a moment, crossing her arms against her chest and lifting her chin, as though daring Ashe to argue. "I wanted to see for myself."

 _We need to talk,_ Ashe read into her expression. Her hackles immediately stirred. 

"It's hardly worth seeing. It's just practice." Ashe couldn't quite keep the bitterness from leeching into her tone. 

Sejuani lifted her eyes to the target on the tree line, and she snorted softly under her breath. 

"Perhaps it would help if you loosed an arrow," Sejuani told her, a subtle twist of amusement in her voice, no matter the bluntness of her words.

"Would that I could," Ashe countered, before she'd stopped to think. There was no hiding, not with the evidence twenty paces behind her. Anger swirled in her chest, slowly at first, but growing rapidly. It was only now that Sejuani wished to talk. Only after she'd won. 

"I've seen archers with similar injuries. They adapt," Sejuani scoffed, tilting her head slightly as though the answer was a simple one. "You need but train yourself." 

After so many months together, Ashe realised that in her own way, Sejuani was attempting to be reassuring. Another time, it may have succeeded.

Now, it only fed Ashe's anger. 

"Perhaps that's not all." Ashe turned away, back to the target that mocked her every night. "I don't expect _you_ to understand."

Sejuani didn't reply, but she didn't take her leave. Ashe held her silence, unwilling to be the one forced to break it this time. If Sejuani wanted to _talk,_ then she would need to carry it on her own. 

_We'll see if she appreciates being on the receiving end._

"You think I don't know? Do you think me so heartless?" Sejuani demanded, her voice low and intense. Immediately, Ashe's anger flared - and her shame. Of course Sejuani knew, just as she'd known of the target practice. 

"Spare me your pity." Ashe bit the words out, turning so she could finally meet Sejuani's eyes. Unconsciously, she'd drawn herself up, and despite the difference in height, she felt a little more in control. A little more like a queen. 

Sejuani understood the change in demeanour for what it was. Her eyes narrowed. 

"I just don't understand why you're allowing her to defeat you this way." Sejuani took a breath, and her jaw set in a stubborn line. "You're stronger than this, Ashe. You've ended this demon, whether you realise it or not."

"It's not so simple as you pretend, Sejuani," Ashe retorted, taking a step forward.

Sejuani did not flinch. "That may be so, but it's certainly not as complicated as you fear, Ashe. Instead of letting your actions speak for you, you talk yourself out of all you've rightfully earned!"

Ashe could have thrown her hands up in despair. Of course, everything was a non-issue to Sejuani. Through training or birth or just dumb luck, she seemed to have the ability to box up trauma, deal with it in a way Ashe couldn't. 

She was also trying to help, and worse, Ashe knew she was right. If she couldn't rally, if she allowed herself to just fade away into obscurity, then she really would have lost to Lissandra. 

Sejuani had hit the crux of the matter with unerring precision, but then, that had been her way right through their forced alliance. The same reckless _idiot_ had crash-landed a mortally wounded Anivia on the bridge at the Abyss. Despite the severity of her fall, Sejuani had rolled immediately into action when Ashe herself had been crippled with her injuries. 

She'd been there, right when she'd been needed the most, seizing Lissandra's attention. It had been Sejuani who had roared at Ashe to rally, to stand up and fight. 

Despite her own broken bones and the blood matting her hair, Sejuani had still caught Ashe before she'd hit the ground. 

Sejuani hadn't left her behind back then, and she hadn't left _now_. Even when she spurned weakness in all its forms, she stubbornly remained. 

Ashe didn't know what to say, but the traitorous hope that had started up inside her chest destroyed what remained of her anger. 

"I thought it the end, without you," Sejuani's words were quiet and halting, as though drawn from her by force of will alone. It was the first time they'd really spoken of the final fight - at first they hadn't had a chance, and then it had quickly become too painful. 

Sejuani was apparently done waiting. 

"She knew I was spent. But if I could distract her for long enough, you'd rally."

"I nearly didn't," Ashe replied softly, her throat tightening. It was hard to admit privately, let alone aloud. She'd had just a desperate handful of moments in which to make a difference, Lissandra had been going to _kill_ Sejuani and -

"But you did. That matters." Sejuani's lips thinned, and she nodded to herself. She seemed to have decided something. "You will hear me out. If you then decide to continue... _this_ ," Sejuani continued, gesturing to the target behind Ashe, her expression becoming one of distaste, "then I will not trouble you further."

Ashe's dying anger stirred at the orders, at the assumption of obedience for all that she'd ceded to Sejuani. After everything the woman had done for her, Ashe could allow this, though. 

"Fine."

"Good." Sejuani's jaw worked for a moment, her expression tense as she subsided into thought. 

Ashe could read her like a book by now - Sejuani always struggled to keep a leash on her temper. The politician in Ashe knew that it would only be too easy to end the conversation - all she'd need to do is press a few more of Sejuani's hot buttons, and the rest would fall after. 

But then she'd be no better than Lissandra, and Sejuani was not her enemy. 

"History will not forget you. Not the way the half-blind Frost Archer forced herself to her feet, raised her bow and put an arrow through the Ice Witch's skull." Sejuani smiled then, grim and tense, but there was a fondness to it. "That's when I knew I wouldn't settle for anything less than you."

The air in Ashe's lungs seemed to freeze as Sejuani's gloved hand moved haltingly, brushing lightly against the bandages over Ashe's eye and cheek. The touch was fleeting, barely there at all, but it sent a shiver down Ashe's spine.

"I'm no -" Sejuani cut off, her voice taut with frustration. "Talking is not my... I tried to give you time. And I wanted to show you instead. Time is not on our side, and your people will be here soon."

"Sej -" Ashe tried to break in, but Sejuani held up a hand to stay her arguments. 

"The Frostguard nearly killed me. I couldn't defeat Lissandra on my _own._ " Sejuani's pale blue eyes were unflinching, no matter that she spoke of something she considered a personal failing. "Each time, the difference has been you.

"I like my chances better with you around, Ashe, no matter what troubles plague you at present. You are strong enough to come through in the end."

It was a dangerously seductive offer, especially given the political ramifications - but Sejuani did not make offers she did not intend to fulfill. 

It meant the world to Ashe that Sejuani was willing to have that sort of faith in her. 

Ashe stared at her, breath still frozen in her throat but her whole body flashing impossibly hot. Desperate, scalding emotion rose up in her chest before she could _think_ to control it. She didn't give herself time to consider it - she simply let herself give in. 

Ashe yanked Sejuani down by the front of her furs and shirt, pressing her mouth hard against those cold-chapped lips, just the way she'd wanted since awakening. It wasn't quite what she wanted, with half of her vision still terrifyingly dark. Those thoughts were banished when she felt Sejuani make a small noise in her throat, caught somewhere between desire and ever-present wariness. The hesitation faded with every warm, clinging kiss Ashe pressed against her lips. 

She loosened her grasp on the fur, allowing Sejuani to rock back. It felt as though the entire world had condensed down to the sound of her own pounding heart, the warmth of Sejuani's shaky breath against her lips. 

This was about her and Sejuani, and something new. The sudden simplicity of it all was breathtaking. 

Ashe felt a spike of heat again, deep in her chest and stomach, and she closed her eye for a moment against the intensity of it. 

Sejuani's grasp on her shoulders was gentle, almost uncertain, as though she was sure Ashe was going to break in her hands. Ashe wanted to tell her that she wasn't going to shatter, not here, not _now_ -

Ashe balled a hand in Sejuani's furs, feeling her own breath coming hard and fast. She ran the tip of her tongue against Sejuani's lower lip, just enough to taste. The simple act elicited a full-body shudder, and a deeper, more insistent ache tugged in Ashe's stomach, between her legs. 

Sejuani seemed to understand the message, the implicit demand in Ashe's kiss. Her hands shifted, trailing down, and her touch was just light enough for Ashe to feel through fabric. 

Ashe reached up, carding her fingers through Sejuani's hair. She felt entirely robbed of air with the intensity of everything, unable to imagine stopping. Not now, when she'd finally had a chance at something beyond the fight at the Abyss. But the air was freezing on her cheeks, her ruined eye aching from the cold. 

She drew back from the kiss. Sejuani rested her forehead against Ashe's, her lips just a hair's breadth away, as if unwilling to let go yet. Ashe felt Sejuani's hands tighten on her hips, and she wondered if the woman was tempted to finish things outside, in the snow. 

It would not have been the most foolish thing Sejuani had ever suggested. 

"We -" Ashe broke off, and she wished she was surprised at how unsteady her voice was. "We shouldn't do this here."

Sejuani nodded, slowly at first, understanding immediately. The expression in Sejuani's intense blue eyes banished any lingering doubts Ashe might have held. 

"Then we return."

###

Ashe didn't give herself time to question the wisdom of her actions, seizing on Sejuani the moment the door to her chambers swung shut behind them. She rounded on the other woman, using her momentum and the element of surprise to push them both hard up against the door. 

She was not fooled. If Sejuani hadn't wanted to move, she wouldn't have. Ashe reached up, running shaky, feverish hands through short-shorn blonde hair still cold from the night. Sejuani leaned into the touch, her hands shifting, taking a surer grasp of Ashe's hips. A low, reluctant sigh forced its way free of her lips, and encouraged, Ashe curled her fingers in Sejuani's hair more firmly. 

"Have you any idea how _long_ I've waited for this?" Sejuani demanded, her grasp tightening. Her fingertips dug into flesh in a way that made Ashe's breath catch, the sensation both distracting and pleasant. 

"Not nearly so long as you've wanted me dead," Ashe countered, drawing Sejuani down and close. A shiver ran down her spine, hot and sharp as Sejuani growled under her breath. 

"Clever," Sejuani ground out, her breath warm on Ashe's lips. Ashe had to wonder when it _had_ started, but the thought was abandoned when Sejuani pressed their lips together again, tilting Ashe's chin to better the angle. 

Ashe welcomed it, claiming Sejuani's lips. She only broke it to trail her mouth across the woman's cool cheek, keenly aware of the shift and flex of hard muscle against her. Sejuani's hand trailed up, her touch dragging and urgent across Ashe's back and ribs and -

The woman jolted as Ashe's tongue found her earlobe, her every muscle locking in place for a single, satisfying moment. 

"If you've wanted it so long, why hesitate?" Ashe asked against her ear, and she felt Sejuani shiver at the sensation of warm breath on her neck. 

"Perhaps I don't wish to be your morning regret," Sejuani said, but the protest was a weak one, and pressed as close as she was, Ashe heard her swallow. 

Ashe pulled back, just far enough to murmur against her lips. "You won't be." 

Sejuani inhaled sharply then, her arms tightening convulsively around Ashe. Her voice was heated and fierce as she said, 

"Good."

She pushed Ashe back with a jerk, dipping her head down, her mouth bruising and relentless as she bore them both across the room. Ashe allowed it, could do nothing else, far too caught up in the sensation of Sejuani's lips, teeth, _tongue_ against her own. 

It was only when Ashe felt wood bump against the small of her back that she realised what Sejuani had in mind. A table, strewn with maps and parchment - it had to have been hidden in her blind spot. 

It was disorienting, just for a moment, and Ashe sucked a breath in, trying to dispel the knot of anxiety clenching in her stomach.

Sejuani must have felt Ashe's hesitation. She broke the kiss unsteadily, her breath harsh and hard, but still so close Ashe could feel heat radiating from her body. 

"I'm fine," Ashe told her, swallowing thickly, and she tightened her grasp on the back of Sejuani's neck. The bare skin was heated under her fingertips, and she could almost feel Sejuani's racing pulse through the touch. "Don't stop."

Sejuani nodded after a moment. Ashe's discomfort in her weakness - still so raw and new - was still so _vivid_ as she drew herself up. She claimed Sejuani's lips once more, desperate to pull herself back in, desperate to _forget_. 

Skin on skin... that would be better, Ashe decided, feverish. She tugged at Sejuani's mantle, letting the fur and clothing fall to the floorboards before setting to work at the wrappings. Her gaze followed the long trail of claw marks down Sejuani's neck and chest, black as pitch against her pale skin. 

Ashe pressed her lips to the four running parallel down the woman's throat, eliciting a hiss as she trailed her tongue up one score. 

Sejuani pushed her back against the table a little more firmly, tangling her fingers in Ashe's loose hair. The grasp held Ashe steady, forcing her to still and allow Sejuani to go to work on her throat. Her mouth was relentless, her tongue tracing artless designs on the soft skin just under Ashe's jaw, thankfully remaining clear of the wrappings protecting the ruined eye. That was a relief, though Ashe understood she'd need to learn to deal with -

The thought was cut short as Ashe finally managed to loosen the knot securing the bindings, a flash of desperate, victorious heat suffusing her. She feverishly rid Sejuani of her last layer, tossing them carelessly to the floor before pulling back - just to take the sight in. 

Ashe's eye grazed over the smooth skin, the hard muscle, the scars both silvered, reddened and black. Ashe wished fiercely for a moment that she'd been able to take Sejuani in with both of her eyes, but...

Sejuani rocked back for a moment, and as flushed and pleased as her expression was, there was an undeniable caution in her eyes.

"Are you sure -" 

"Yes." Ashe silenced Sejuani and any other protests she might have had, capturing those soft lips with her own, _needing_ them. She wanted to kiss Sejuani until she was completely breathless, until she ached. Until she could scarcely remember the civil war or the hellish recovery that had happened afterwards. 

Ashe just wanted to lose herself in _this_ , in _Sejuani_. It had been more than she'd dared to hope for. It was more than she deserved. 

It was enough. 

Sejuani drew back, running her fingers through Ashe's loose hair. Ashe allowed her eyelids to drift shut, shivers running across her skin with every long, languid kiss Sejuani pressed against her collarbone, her shoulder, her chest. Dragging her fingertips up the length of Sejuani's spine, Ashe felt the the woman's breath catch in her throat. 

Sejuani nuzzled her lips against the hollow of Ashe's throat, settling her weight against the table more firmly. 

Ashe understood what Sejuani wanted, and another flash of heat ran up her spine. She wet her lips, suddenly feeling lightheaded. 

"Hold still," Ashe murmured, and Sejuani had the nerve to look rebellious. Ashe didn't allow herself to be dissuaded - she needed Sejuani _first_ , a physical ache, something her mind demanded with such a sudden, surprising vehemence. 

Ashe pushed against Sejuani the moment the woman relented, easing her hands lower to loosen the drawstrings of her trousers. She slid her fingers down Sejuani's taut abdomen, dipping down past the waistband. 

Sejuani choked off a moan the moment fingertips pressed against her centre, and she buried her face against the crook of Ashe's neck. She was already a hot, slick mess under Ashe's fingers, ready and wanting for all that they'd only just begun. 

Ashe's own breath had frozen in her throat, and she cautiously pressed a finger in. Sejuani _trembled_ , her entire body winding tight at the simple action, her breath suddenly shaking and shallow. She pressed up hard against Ashe, only barely keeping herself propped up.

Ashe pressed her thumb against Sejuani's clit, applying just the suggestion of pressure and nothing more. Sejuani groaned against her throat, her hips jerking demandingly into the touch. Pleased with the stronger reaction, Ashe bent to press her tongue into the dip of Sejuani's collarbone. 

"Ashe," Sejuani breathed, her voice almost pleading in Ashe's ear. "I need -"

Ashe gave in. She moved quickly, _needing_ to see Sejuani lose the last vestiges of her stubborn control. That control had practically sent Ashe mad during the long months of their alliance, not to speak of the tense years before. She was glad to be finally rid of it. 

Sejuani seemed to concur, her centre hot, slick and tight as Ashe added another finger just to elicit another hoarse groan. She rocked her hips in time with the thrust of Ashe's fingers, her body growing tighter with every circle against her clit. 

Ashe didn't stop, needing to feel the woman fall apart, _surrender_. She felt Sejuani's fingers, still tangled in the loose hair at the back of her neck -

Sejuani climaxed with a long, almost guttural moan, bitten off toward the end but _satisfying._ She almost collapsed, and she was wordless as Ashe pressed a breathless kiss against her flushed cheek. 

Ashe's own need was an insistent, sharp ache between her legs, colouring her every thought now that she'd had Sejuani. She wet her lips, trailing her hand up some of those sensitive areas on Sejuani's spine again. The simple action seemed to stir the other woman, and she pushed herself up. 

Her blue eyes, normally so piercing, were dazed and half-lidded, and there was a small smile on her lips as she leaned in close. 

"Satisfied?" Sejuani asked, her breath warm against Ashe's cheek. 

"Should I be?" Ashe watched her for a moment, waiting. 

The heat in her stomach grew tight and sharp as Sejuani laughed under her breath, the intensity rekindling in her eyes.

###

Ashe wasn't sure what eventually jerked her awake the next morning, but the sun was well above the horizon, the cool light streaming in from the gaps in the shutters. The room - Sejuani's, Ashe noted after a few moments of disorientation - was cold, though the blankets and furs strewn about the bed still retained their warmth. Ashe eased herself back down into them, closing her eyes and breathing in Sejuani's lingering scent. 

Ashe's damaged eye burned with pain. She'd well and truly missed the morning application of numbing salve to the healing flesh. The thought of the injury still upset her, was still such a difficult reality to reconcile... It felt almost bearable - for now. 

Her night with Sejuani had been _needed._ The deep, oppressive tension that had been building up in Ashe since Lissandra's betrayal had been released, and maybe...

Ashe's eye opened, her gaze falling on the bow. The weapon had been carefully propped up against the wall by the door. It had to have been Sejuani's doing, as Ashe certainly hadn't been so careful in her haste the night prior. 

The weapon gleamed in the cold light, a reminder that things _could_ be better than Ashe had given them credit for. She could admit that. She just needed to remember to let things come naturally, to _allow_ herself to take the shot, regardless of her calculations and fears. 

It was a lesson she couldn't forget. 

Ashe threw her furs to the side, dressing as fast as the pain in her eye would allow, before taking up her bow. The freezing weight was reassuringly familiar, and as Ashe looked down at it in her hand, she decided. 

When Ashe emerged from the stronghold's main hall, the square within the fortified walls were quiet, and many of the Winter's Claw warriors had departed for their duties elsewhere in the region. 

Ashe surveyed the quiet for a few moments, thoughtful. She'd intended to head to her clearing once more, to try to take advantage of her relaxed mood while it lasted, but movement at the entrance of the stables drew her eye. Sejuani emerged from darkness within, and Ashe immediately revised her plans. 

Without giving herself time to think - time to _doubt_ \- Ashe called an arrow. With a fluid movement and a single, steady breath, she sent a bolt of pure ice, thudding it home in the weatherboards just inches from Sejuani's nose. 

The woman didn't startle - not that Ashe had expected her to - though her head snapped around as she surveyed the stronghold's square. When her gaze fell on Ashe, she reached out and yanked the arrow free. 

"An improvement," Sejuani said as she approached, the frozen bolt in her gloved hand. While her features were as hard to read as ever, Ashe could catch the subtle changes. Irritation, certainly, but there was an element of pride, too. 

"Perhaps," Ashe allowed after a moment, and Sejuani snorted at the non-committal response. 

She fell into pace beside Sejuani almost automatically, heading back for the stronghold's hall and whatever meeting would be held. She no longer had her doubts, and after the night prior...

Sejuani seemed happier than she'd been in a very long time. Ashe herself felt _better_. She felt her lips upturn in a small, reluctant smile. 

Sejuani was right. It was an improvement, and it was a start. Ashe could work with that.


End file.
